I was born to a couple who hated each other’s religious beliefs. My father was obsessed with abuse, alcohol, and weird religions. He used to be obsessed with the devil and told me, as a little girl, that the devil comes into your bedroom at night. I still have a sleep phobia and cannot sleep with the lights off. I envy people who can curl up in bed and sleep. I am still looking around and trying to feel safe.
All my life I tried everything to get God to like me. Everyone else seemed to have no trouble hearing him and having supernatural experiences. I wanted them and begged for them all the time. I asked to see just one angel, or hear one word that would show God is real and loves me. I prayed, fasted, attended church, and continued to try to convince God I was worth loving.
As a former United Methodist minister and lifelong spiritual seeker. I am 73 years young, happily married for 30 years and am still “in recovery” from my long-ago days of theism and church dogma. That period of my life included divorce, family break-up and a long series of broken relationships and dead-end jobs. It has been an inspiring thrill to join this merry band (TCP) and other refugees from religion. I was ordained (Elder) in 1967 and served three separate parish churches over a period of 12 years.